The Stupid Meter

I can't stand stupid.  Don't get me wrong, I love watching people do stupid things and I always enjoy reading about some Darwin Award recipients.  But I can't stand dealing with them.  I have this mental Stupid Meter that I use.  I suppose it's similar to those rain gauges they use when measuring precipitation: any time I interact with any type of stupid, some of it gets poured into this meter.   When the meter is full I become completely intolerant of any type of stupid, including any from myself.  If it begins to overflow, I start thinking about places to hide the bodies.  I not talking about the occasional brain fart - everyone gets those.  I think that's just part of the spice of life when a normal person does something stupid.  It doesn't happen very often, you're not expecting it, it's usually pretty funny so everyone, including the person who made the mistake, usually laughs hysterically and moves on with their lives.  No, I'm talking about the people who should think about fibre more often to help them deal with their constant mental flatulence. 

When I was a teacher, I used to say that I could teach anything: ADD, lazy, slow, disinterested, etc. But I can't teach stupid.  If you don't bring your brain to class, I can't help you.  I suppose that statement can seem harsh but what I meant was that I could empathise with just about any problem.  If a child has ADD it doesn't mean he can't learn, he just needs the right environment with less distractions.  If a child is lazy, she may not have had very much sleep the night before or she may be dealing with something at home that takes so much energy she has nothing left at school.  If a child is slow, it could be that she is so focused on the details of an assignment that she forgets about the time, similar to perfectionism.  If a child is disinterested, it is MY job to make learning fun so I would work to find something that could get his attention.  But stupidity can make a child stop using their basic God-given intelligence.  I firmly believe that NO ONE is born stupid, it's a learned behaviour.  It is often born from expecting other people to deal with your problems.  It then leads to haphazardly solving your own problems without thinking about the consequences. 

When I was in university, I was visiting a friend in her apartment dorm when we came across a guy attempting to make spaghetti in his room.  Normally this would not be a problem since there were mini kitchens in each apartment, but this guy just seemed so disgusted with his work that we poked our heads in to find out what was going on.  He was standing at the stove with a spatula in one hand and a beer in the other.  He would take a swig of beer, make a terrible nauseated face, then pour some beer into the pan.  When I asked what he was doing, he told me he had heard that some people would add wine to their food when it was cooking, but since he didn't have any wine he had to use his buddy's beer from the fridge.  He also admitted that he didn't like beer.
"So why use beer if you don't like it?", I asked.
"Well, I'm trying to get a buzz before we go out tonight but I don't like drinking beer so I thought I'd put it in my food so I could get it that way."
"I thought alcohol was burned off in the heat?  So, aren't you just ruining your food?"
When he looked at me as if I had two heads and poured more beer into his pan, my friend gently pulled me out of the room before I had a chance to say something I might regret.